Sad and usually very serious topics, you can find all of it in my anthology, Death, touching on suicidal tendencies, murder, and the psychological workings of the people who do it or on the recieving end of it.
By: Jessica Reader
I've Always wondered what it was like?...
I mean for the people claiming that they've had an out of body or near death experience during surgery. Christ, for as long as I can remember, I've heard so many variations of the story over the years that it just got annoying, but that's what I thought at the time.
Well, before the accident happened, that landed me in this situation in the first place. But if you ask me how it happened, I don't think I would be much help, since I vaguely remember?
Though of course, that's, what happens when your someone like me, Drinking their life away, behind a wheel none the less? Come to think of it, this wasn't my first time, in this situation... though at least the last time I survived it? And I mean shit, you think I would have learned a lesson or two when it happened?
....I guess not?
Anyway, it's not like I didn't see this eventually coming, right? But since we are going to be stuck together for the duration of my story. I'm assuming you have a morbid sense of humor like I did?
Because, since for some reason every time I keep replaying what happened in my head, the song," I believe I can fly" By R. Kelly, keeps playing in the background, as my face met the pavement at what I am guessing probably a hundred miles an hour?
Sounds immature, doesn't it?
But getting back to the point... As I slipped in and out of consciousness after the crash, with my last thoughts being...
"Please God, I don't wanna die?"
But, as I completely blacked out, due to the overwhelming pain coursing through my body, I was rushed to the nearest hospital.
After what seemed like hours, I slowly started waking up, as the cold air from the air conditioners in the room hit my skin, jolting me back to reality. As my sense's started to metaphorically come back online, I could smell the sickening yet all too familiar smell of the universal hospital disinfectant, copulated with the smell of pus and blood... A lot of it?
I mean if death had a smell.... it would most definitely be that.
But, as I lay there, wondering what was going on. I felt the cold steel of the operating table press against my back...
"Is this some kind of sick joke?"
I thought as an overhead light shone directly in my face, obscuring my vision even more than it already was. Making it hard for me to make out the doctor's covered in blood...
My blood, most likely?
pouring over me little by little, like I was some extremely rare specimen. But then again, now that I think about it, I can see why? The had the blood to of come from somewhere right? Well even if it did, I don't really think it phased me much, the blood and all? Since it was by far the eeriest thing in the room.
On the contrary, do you remember back in the day, when families with low-income use to have their deceased loved ones photographed?
Because this was one of those moments, the living would come out blurry in the photo and the dead, well the dead would come out unblurred. visible enough for anyone to see. and scary enough, same goes for whatever the fuck that thing is standing in the far right corner of the room, smiling at me, with its devilish grin that I swear could have even given the Pope a run for his money.
And as I unknowingly locked eyes with it. A chill promptly ran down my spine. Seeing a smile cross the creatures face, breaking out further from ear to ear, baring it's sharp pointy teeth, as though I were an object of it;s transfixed fascination.
feeling petrified, as I watched the creature advance on me.
I let out a sharp loud scream, that most likely would have echoed throughout the room. however, when I did. The doctor's seemed pretty unphased?
I mean, it seems all they really cared about, As I tried to get up and run away from the creature, was trying to restrain me, and drone on about my pulse dropping or something like that?
I mean, you'd think they would have cared less about me for a second, and focus on that sickly deranged looking creature, that suddenly appeared in the emergency room with us?
But, as the creature continued to advance on me, my breathing became shallow. And I began to feel something of a, euphoric nausea.
Standing by my side now, I watched on in terror, the creature raised its long slender bony finger to it's lips as if it were...
.. shushing me?
And as it did so, I could feel my eyelids becoming heavy, as though my strength was being zapped away, slipping in and out of consciousness once more. as my eyes began to glaze over, the world I once knew, began crashing down around me.
"You poor, poor fool, you had so much time, left ahead of you.." The entity whispered softly.
As the heart monitor, I was hooked to, began flat-lining, I could hear one of the doctors say. Just before I slipped away completely...
"I'm calling it, time of death.."
After that, everything went completely silent, as the hours passed, I woke up once again. On a nearly identical cold harden metallic slab that I had originally woken up on earlier.
To my loved one's standing in the room with me.... Crying? I mean, I think they were crying? but I could barely tell? Though as my vision became clear once again, I found out why?...
To my horror, as I metaphorically stood there, looking down on what I thought at the time... was just nothing but a terrible nightmare. As my presumably lifeless corpse looked back up at me from the slab for all to see. Covered from the neck down in a simple depressing white sheet.
After awhile, as my loved one's left the morgue, one by one. I sat there, watching as one of the coroner's, move in and draped the rest of the sheet back over my bodies stone cold pale face. a thought occured to me, what if this is an out of body experience?
I mean that was a lot less permanent, right?...
Or, could it be that I unknowingly crossed the threshold, of the living and the dead? But, as I sat there, on the cold tiled floor deep in thought, I pondered about my situation. As the coroner pushed that thing that was once human on the slab, into the dark abyss of the drawer that was lined up with so many others.
Waiting, as they closed the door, I curiously leaned over and looked at the obvious name tag that adorned it, though for some reason I can't seem to recall why I did it?
I mean, I know who I am, why would I need any confirmation on it? But as I began reading my name out loud, I heard the morgue door's behind me slam shut, as the coroner left for the night, startling me.
as the lights went out, I sat there for a moment trying to gather my wits, not even thinking once.
...That I might actually not be alone...
That is until I felt an all to familiar chill run down my spine. like I was being watched, with the same morbid curiosity as before in the emergency room. But as I got to my feet, I noticed a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye. Stopping dead in my tracks, however, I prepared myself.
Basically waiting to see if something was going to jump out at me? Since this would have been a perfect time to do so, But all sarcasm aside, as I stood there surveying the area, it was one of those times where I wish I had definitely been alone.
As the sound of someone chuckling eerily once again filled the room," You still haven't figured it out yet? have you boy?" The entity asked, as its voice whispered throughout the room. I frantically tried to find the exit.
Because, for some reason, I just had this haunting feeling. That if I stuck around this place any longer. I would have been in a world of trouble... Or worse? As I groped around in the darkness, trying to reach my destination. I heard the entities voice once more, this time asking loud enough to the point where it left my ears ringing.
"You know this isn't a joke right?...You're dead?.."
"Dead?... I can't be dead?" I thought to myself, as I reached out for the door handle. Completely forgetting that it was locked for the night, I desperately turned the handle. And as I did so for some reason it opened? the fucking thing opened effortlessly? which was weird.
The lock must have been shitty or something?... Though I can't complain, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. But when I left the room, however, I somehow slowly found my way upstairs, into one of the temporarily empty levels of the hospital. As I began walking as though all the powers of hell were nipping at my heels, I noticed a sign on the nearest wall that read.
"EMERGENCY OPERATING ROOM ONE 1#"
Stopping for a moment, as I stood there, staring at the sign in silence. I began feeling this weird bout of Deja Vu.
"This must have been the room I was in earlier?"
As I thought about it, I noticed something our of the corner of my eye fly past me? But before I even had time to register what, or who it was... I heard their voice again, this time much closer, teasing me.
And though I did not want to do this... in fact,"I really didn't want to do this" I slowly turned to face whatever was following me. And as my eye's widening in horror, on what I thought might have been a hallucinogenic figment of my imagination, due to the pain and all.
But, as luck would have it, the entity appeared before me once again, down the hall ahead of me, staring me down with it's hollow black eyes. Blank-faced and pale. As I stood there terrified, the most disturbing thing occurred to me...
I can see it clearly now... As everything else, this time, all dead and decaying. Realizing that this thing wasn't going to leave me alone, I quickly began looking for a way out of this nightmare.
While not taking my eye's off the creature, I entered the operating room. Not watching, where I was going, as I kept my back away from it, as the entity advanced on me again. I stumbled into the operating table, I had been laying on earlier.
Quickly as I regained my composure, I dashed deeper into the room, without a second thought. I hid behind some equipment carriers, As my face became pale with fear, hoping to whatever god was out there, willing to listen. That this thing, this creature would never find me. Though however, as I heard the things footsteps starting to fade away, I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking to myself.
"Thank Christ!, it finally lost interest in me?" But just as that thought escaped my mind, the same ghostly voice replaced it once again replying slyly as though it could hear exactly what I was thinking.
Lost?... Don't be silly child, I'll never lose interest in you... not now, not ever."
And as I heard those words, as my mind began to wander, while looking for the nearest exit. I thought to myself," How the hell, am I going to get out of here, with that creature still looking for me?". While surveying my surroundings, the only exit I could see, was the one I entered through. But even if I managed to slip past it.
...Would it follow me?
Either way, it's bloody obvious, staying here would be suicide. So instead of waiting for it to find me. I quietly swallowed my fear and made my way towards the door. Waiting for my chance to escape. I quietly slipped under the operating table.
Keeping my guard up, as I quietly peered out from under the table, To see if the coast was clear. It never occurred to me that someone could be sitting on the operating table above me? Quietly waiting, most likely for me to surface...
And being gullible enough, thinking that it was safe, I came out of hiding. Not realizing a man in his early sixties was sitting on the operating table behind me, that is, until he casually spoke up, startling me.
"You really are that stupid, aren't you? I mean, had you learned your lesson the first time. We, would not have been having this conversation five years later?" He sarcastically jeered.
Quickly, as I spun around in shock, he added, as a smile only a mother could love crossed his lips.
"I mean, seriously, drinking under the influence?... What a waste."
Then, while dressed from head to toe in black, the old man slowly rose up from where he was sitting straightening his clothes out in a business-like fashion.
And while regaining my composure, as I watched him jump down off the table. I felt compelled to ask him the one question. I for some reason already knew deep down.
"Who on earth are you?"
Still smiling, the entity chuckled.
"Boy, as I stated in our very first meeting, for which I highly doubt you even remember, I go by many names. for example Mot, Thanatos, Dullahan, Smierc, Hel, Giltine, La Murta, The White horsemen.. starting to ring any bells?" He replied in a very sarcastic dignified manner. To which upon hearing those words, my intuition kicked in.
Telling me to run, and run fast...
Because, right then and there I realized if I didn't, I knew I wouldn't be me anymore. Then while not looking back, as I ran away. I could hear this...Thing, sighing loudly. As though he really didn't care if I heard him or not?
"Why do they always try to run?" he muttered, following behind me as I ran.
And as I made my way through to the lobby, I thought to myself,"Why is that entity, this creature? That "man!" still following me? and what in gods name is it babbling about?...I'm not dead?"
Once there, while in the lobby, I temporarily stopped in my tracks, looking to see if I was still being followed. And as I did so, I heard the entities voice again. Clear as day.
"Still not convinced, are we? How sad?.."
It said, startling me once again, As I quickly looked around. Trying to spot the entity, the creature now masquerading as a man.
" What the hell do you want from me?!"
I angrily shouted, while trying to hide the fact that I was undoubtedly scared shitless. But as usual, I received no answer back. Which made me begin to wonder. Did the entity finally give up on me? did the creature finally see I was not ready to play their game? Or was this fucker just toying with me? I don't know?
But I can tell you one thing, I do know ...I really need to get out of here?
walking to the hospital's nearest exit, I began contemplating on the event's prior to this, wondering if that thing following me really was death in the flesh? And if it was, why? I'm not dead. I mean it's silly to even think that? Cause if I "were", wouldn't I wake up somewhere else? You know the whole heaven, hell bit? But then again, if I wasn't. Then tell me this, who's fucking body was that in the morgue?....
Maybe, I better leave?...
Reaching the revolving doors, however. A woman dressed in extravagant clothes, practically glued to her cell phone. while holding her six-year-old daughter in the other hand, bumped into me in the process as they entered the hospital.
Still shaken, however, from earlier, I quickly spun around and snapped, shouting.
"Hey, Would it kill you to put down your phone, and watch where the hell you're going next time!?"
And as I said that, not a damn thing happened, hell she never even glanced up at me? Just continued yammering on her phone. "How rude" it's like she didn't even see me like I'm not even here? But Ironically, that's not even the worst part.
I mean, out of all the eeriest things, out of today's ordeal, had to of been exactly this moment. When, I shouted loud enough for the whole lobby to hear me. Yet not one passerby looked up from what they were doing. Except for the cell phone woman's six-year-old daughter, who was obviously horrified at my outburst.
Which made me in some small way feel sorry for her, but the more I thought about it, for some reason. It made what seemed like a small situation become extremely disturbing? Because as I quickly left the building, with that girl's terrified gaze in my mind, I thought. "Why didn't anyone else react? I mean I'm not fucking invisible!?" Then, once again as if it were reading my mind, the entity jeered. "Well, of corse you're invisible, boy, you're dead. how many times must I repeat myself?"
Hearing its voice once more, I stopped stone cold in my tracks. "Where are you, show yourself!?" I shouted, as loud as I could. But, just like earlier, no answer?"Why is this bastard toying with me?.." I muttered to no one in particular.
Not expecting to get an answer back, the entity masquerading as a man, claiming to be death, whispered once again. This time loud enough to the point where it could have been standing directly behind me. "Because child it's apparently obvious, you need to learn the hard way." Turning around once more, quickly getting ready to defend myself, I came face to face with nothing but thin air once again. "Why am I not surprised?" I muttered. Breathing a sigh of relief, as I walked away, off the hospital grounds. Trying to act as though nothing happened or in this case, block it out.
Because honestly there is no denying it now, something happened... something fucking actually happened. But just as I made it to the nearest crosswalk, I tried pushing the signal button to walk across the street. Only to find out it was completely useless? The button refused to work. Even after, I pushed the stupid thing in three...maybe four times? Though after awhile, I just gave up and stood there waiting for the stupid light to eventually change on its own. Hoping, deep down, that it would change sooner rather than later. Since that thing could still be out there, lurking around somewhereBut, as I was lost in somewhat paranoid thought. I felt a pair of ice cold hands violently press against my back. Shoving me right out in front of an on-coming bus as it passed, not giving me anytime to get out of the way, I quickly shut my eyes, covering my face with my hands. In a desperate attempt to protect myself. But, soon after, as the thought of being hit by a six thousand and one pound bus terrified me. I felt something strange, as a huge gust of wind passed through me.
Expecting the worst, I slowly uncovered my face, lowering my defense's as I opened my eye's, I was relieved to see, I was still in one piece. "What the fuck just happened?" I asked myself, not noticing as I wobbled to my feet, that everything around me had stopped, as though time were standing still.
"What on earth is going on?...."
Then once again, just as those words absentmindedly slipped out of my mouth like clock-work the entity, masquerading as a man, now claiming to be death. Appeared before me. Dressed the way he was, the first time we met, all clad in black. This time carrying a much more somber look on it's thin white ghostly face.
"I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry, but there was no other way I could show you..."
He said, trying to show me some empathy, even though I could tell it was ready to use force if necessary. While not budging from where I was standing, I demanded, hoping to buy myself some more time. "Show me what? what exactly do you want to show me? besides scaring the living shit out of me?"
Smiling, as if the question struck the only sypathetic cord he had." I wanted to show you, young man that this is a harsh world and sadly your not a part of it anymore... so please give up this charade and come with me? He replied as he took a step towards me, knowing full well before I did, that I was out of options.
"What charade?.. I demanded, once again, as I took another step away from him." I mean, you're not exactly giving off the trust me, I'm not a psychopath vibe here, so why should I go anywhere with you? I mean, I don't even know who you are, much less" what" you are? I added
"Again, we've already been through this before, when I gave you a second chance at life, you stupid fool. If you stay here, all you'll end up doing is driving yourself insane with grief." the entity sighed, as it moved towards me, so fast, to the point where it was now standing an arm's length away from me. extending it's hand outward to me in a none threatening manner. Most likely hoping I would fall for it, taking the easy way out. But before even concidering the entities offer, I asked it point blankly.
"If what your saying is true? Mr. Tall dark and creepy as fuck, don't you think I would have noticed I was dead by now? I mean come on!, look at me I'm still in my body for..."
Then before I could finish what I was saying, the entity calling itself death finally...snapped. "Why you audacious little prick, you think you know it all don't you?" It jeered, as it grabbed my arm roughly, yanking me close to him. to the point where we were almost nose to nose, where I could distintly smell a mixture of moth balls, rotting flesh and embalming fluid on its breath, as it added." Well, I have some disheartening news for you, has it ever occured to you, that the horrendous trauma you went through, being a fucking idiot behind the window "Yet again?" that the man you once were. Died on that cold metal slab, the moment we first me in the emergency room?"
And, as the entity said that, I felt like I was going to be sick. Not because of the entities breath, but on the fact that I though, maybe when I was on the operating table, that it was all in my head? I mean when I tried to run away the first time.
was I actually going into shock?...
I'll bet that's why the doctors were trying to restrain me, now that I really think about it? But as I continued to ponder some more about it. The little girl's terrified face from before re-emerged in my mind like a bad taste in my mouth. As her terrified eye's locked onto mine as though she were a deer caught in headlights. "But, of I'm dead? Then that little girl?... how come she was able to see me when the other's couldn't?" I asked, still feeling unsure about what the entity had told me.
And as I did so, the creature smiled once again, letting go of me. Taking a step back as he gave me a little private space, for what I am guessing meant only little to him. As the thought of eventually bagging their prize happily raced through it's mind, it said.
" Child, to put it as simple as I possibly can, most human children are born gifted of sort's and rarely remain that way until the day, they grow up.
As he said that, while trying to come to grips with my new reality, I stammered "Holy shit... so it's true then?... I'm seriously fucking dead?"
Still smiling, as it watched me come to the obvious conclusion, the entity replied, in a well life's literally a bitch, but I'd be out of work kinda way."Why yes, yes you are..." . Then it added, as if he already knew my next question. "Alright, I'll explain once more very clearly, this time so you'll understand. Your death was fairly common and foolish, driving under the influence." As he said that, I slowly looked down at myself, remembering back when I saw the body on the cold slab in the morgue.
Picturing as my eye's began already undressing the white sheet from the corpse, I saw a huge V. shaped cut, reaching from the collar bone all the way down to the stomach, and when I snapped out of it. out of strange morbit yet terrifying curiousity, I decided to look down the shirt I was wearing. And with a look of mortification in my eyes, I saw the exact same thing, solidifying my fears completely.
Chuckling, as it saw this, the entity slyly replied "So, now that it's finally sunk in, I guess you might as well save me the trouble of reminding you of the obvious?"
I repeated, absentmindedly as though he were speaking a foreign language." That you have people waiting for you on the other side, and all you have to do is.. just cross over, once you do that, all your cares and worries will go flying right out the window." After that, without uttering another word, as the entities smile reverted to the same shit-eating grin it had when we first met and extended his hand towards me once more. Seeing, that I had already made up my mind before I did. I subconsciously reached out, finally grasping his long bony hand within my own, embracing it as if the entity were a long lost friend, leading me into a world beyond.........
.......Because my name was Joshua morgan,
I died in the summer of 92, when I was twenty-two years old, due to negligence and drunk driving, when I wrapped my Ford pickup truck around a telephone pole which resulted in me being thrown through my windshield around 90 mpk, and dying in the hospital O.R...
Which, is where I met the Entity known as death for the last time, as he came for me.... Collecting?